Words Have Power

I went to get coffee one morning before work, and the Dunkin Doughnuts lady handed me my coffee and bagel and said, “here you go beautiful.” I left thinking that was so kind of her to compliment me, but I was skeptical. I wanted to see if she was consistent with her compliments. I went back, but this time not dressed for work, I had rolled straight out of bed. “Hi beautiful, have a nice day.” I thought to myself, thank you, I will have a good day. I went back a third time, and she continued to have positive words of affirmation. Her kindness felt more than just good customer service, it felt genuine.

The power of our words is sometimes overlooked in our everyday communication exchanges. We can use our words to build each other up or tear each other down. There were two non-spoken components that I experienced in my interactions with the Dunkin Doughnuts lady. One, she didn’t know my experience or any hardships that I may be facing in that moment. Her words reminded me of my value when it seemed to be lost in life’s responsibilities. Second, she was giving her compliments for free. She wasn’t looking for something in return for her kindness. It is rare that we encounter this unconditional type of communication with no expectation. This was a nice reminder that our motivation to share words of affirmation should not be self-rewarding.

I decided I should go back and tell this Dunkin Doughnuts lady of the impact her compliments had on me. I wanted to thank her for reminding me of the power of words. Unfortunately, I went back a few weeks later and she was no longer there. One way that I can return her kindness is to pay it forward by using my words of affirmation to help others remember their worth and value.

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc. | Mental Health Blog in Coral Springs

When Things Aren’t Working Out

Have you ever questioned if believing in Jesus was working out for you? When problems seem manageable, it is easy to believe “all things work together for the good,” Romans 8:28. Prayer and faith applies easily when the problem is mildly impacting you. Believing in Jesus seems to be an easy decision however this should not be a casual bond.

Sometimes God throws us a curve ball which leads us to question, why this is happening and haven’t I been through enough? Some people lose their loved ones too soon to death and disease, some lose financial stability while others may lose their mental health. Nevertheless, as Christians we are taught that God is with us through our difficult times. If we just have a casual bond with God then this statement is not believable.

We must stand firm in our faith in order to see silver linings. This means practicing believing, Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen”.  When our emotional state attempts to make us believe that God doesn’t care, that’s the time that we need to be more intentional with our decision to continue trusting Him.    

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP

Grace Counseling, Inc.

Forgiveness and Expectations

Forgiveness and expectations are not related; however some people are unable to forgive without expectation. “I can forgive you if you change your ways.” This statement makes forgiveness dependent on the other individual who we can’t control. Essentially, we are building resentment by setting an expectation on forgiveness.

How are we supposed to forgive? Forgiveness is primarily for you, not the individual who has angered you. It does not mean that your feelings are invalid; it means that you can free yourself from resentment and further damage from unresolved anger. The Bible tells us not to sin in our anger, but says nothing about anger being a sin. Anger becomes sinful when we fail to forgive our trespassers.

We must see setting an expectation as separate from forgiving. Setting the expectation is redrawing boundary lines to protect ourselves from repeated offense. It is something we must do apart from the other individual. Expecting them to change before we can forgive is like drowning in the sea while surrounded by lifeboats. Forgiveness is our lifeboat, get on and then decide whether or not you want to stay or sail away.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Intentional Faith

Choosing to trust and have faith in God is intentional. This may be one of the hardest skills to practice in the Christian faith. Onlookers will criticize you for continuing to show faith and trust in God despite horrible tragedy in your life. Do not become upset, they don't understand your relationship with God. 

People have been jaded by religious doctrine that tells them as long as you follow God's law nothing bad will happen to you. This message teaches that God is a puppet Master whose actions totally eclipses the concept of free will. Holding on to a distorted concept of a punishing God will prevent you from seeking Him in the storms of life. Instead, you may blame Him and this will separate you from His peace.

When your heart is broken, when you have to watch as loved ones are in pain, when there is nothing in your control to change or prevent storms; you can pray. We must make the choice to actively participate in our faith. This is especially true when things are happening that are clearly beyond our control.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Social Media and the Perception of Faith

Recently on social media, I have been reading a lot about Christians who are upset about how other Christians are responding to issues that involve sexual abuse and police misconduct. As I read these articles and posted opinions, it occurred to me that there is hypocrisy concerning in their judgment of other Christians.

I am not disputing factual content; I am more concerned with the public judgments of Christians on other Christians. It seems that behavior is being seen as synonymous with faith and both are being judged. Our behavior and faith are not causal, but correlated. Faith should have influence on our behaviors; however, if we were perfect then we wouldn't need a savior.

Romans 3:23 teaches us that we all have our own short comings. It is not up to us to judge someone's heart. Many of us have made mistakes and thankfully God does not use a scale to determine magnitude of our sin. As Christians, we should pray for those who are not behaving in accordance to His Word and encourage repentance.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Radical Acceptance as a Christian

Often we walk around things trying to figure out why or what's the purpose behind events in our lives. To solve the question of “why,” we use our problem solving skills which include rational and logical thinking. However, it is easy to get stuck in “why” when there is no resolution in sight. The truth is when we have faith in God; we really don't need to figure out “why.”

As Christians, we are instructed not to go down the ruminating path of “why.” This is to help prevent us from falling into fear of the unknown and/or into despair concerning issues from the past. Constant questioning can render us stagnant and prevent us from being used to our full potential for God’s glory.

Faith in God for the unknown and unseen, (Hebrews 11:1) is a skill and not a natural event. This type of faith, to me, involves practicing radical acceptance.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Can You See the Silver Lining?

Sometimes the silver lining is so far away you can hardly see it. Other times, you question if there is any silver lining at all. As Christians, we are taught Romans 8:28, all things work together for the good..., but do we truly believe this scripture? Intellectually, we can easily apply this verse to our lives as long as our circumstances are non-stressful. Work, friends, occasional arguments seem benign. What about the circumstances that makes us more vulnerable, such as abandonment, disease and/or death?

It is extremely difficult to believe all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, when God is allowing difficult times in our life. Fear can easily eclipse faith and negative thoughts take hold. We ask ourselves, “Why, what is the point, and how could God let this happen?” Fear-based thoughts can lead to depression and then isolation sets in. Eventually, we disconnect from others and God.

Finding a way to maintain faith in the midst of pain seems to be the answer. Prayer, inspirational music and fellowship are a few ways to stay plugged in to God. He will not prevent bad things from happening on earth, but He can help you move through the experience. While all situations may not be good, God promises to work them out for your ultimate benefit. You can place your faith in His promises; know that God will guide you to that silver lining.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.