Effective Coping with COVID-19

Mid March was the last time I was allowed to see my mother in person. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s 12 years ago. She has required 24/hr care for about three years now. Her ALF needs to protect all residents and so visits are limited to behind the sliding glass door.  Initially, I thought “this pandemic will pass,” but it just lingered. The pain of missing my mother is as excruciating as when I found out she had Alzheimer’s all those years ago.  I rely on mindfulness techniques and other positive coping skills to help decrease my own discomfort and anxieties. 

We all are struggling with collective trauma from this pandemic. It is impacting us in different ways. Some have past traumas and others are having present day experiences.Trauma is stored in our bodies and emotions. Just because your life is stable, it doesn’t mean that you are free from past pain. When the world around us becomes chaotic and unpredictable, it mimics the environment of trauma. It’s important to separate present day events from past experiences to be able to gain a healthier perspective of how to respond right now. 

Be kind and considerate to one another, because you never know what some else is going through. Take time to allow yourself to metabolize the painful experiences so that emotion does not get stuck in your body. Discomfort will not last forever, if properly processed. Remember positive self-talk is extremely effective in dealing with external events that are out of our control. For now, my mom is safe and very well taken care of and I am grateful for that.

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC,  CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Valentine’s Day = Express Your Love to Those Who Love You

What if Valentine’s day wasn’t just for romantic love? That would definitely change the way it’s marketed in our society. I believe that Valentine’s day should be about those we love whether it’s romantic or non-romantic. Parents, children, friends, everyone in our life who loves us should be celebrated by us on this day. It is human to want to be loved and know that you are loved. However, the romantic part of this day can be accompanied with a lot of pressure. 

Anxious thoughts come over us like a wave such as what to get, what to do, will it be reciprocated, will I get something……. It is always best to be true to yourself. Rejection is part of the process, however; when we are celebrating those who love us the risk of rejection is removed. If you choose to take a risk with someone new in your life try to eliminate all expectations. Trust me, you will be much happier no matter what the outcome. And if the romantic component of this holiday is missing for you this year, celebrate your family, give them a gift expressing your love for them.

One more thing, don’t forget about those who are still struggling with this day in our community as this day is also a reminder of what was lost. If we can love our neighbors a little more intentionally around this time of the year, it may help those who are hurting.  A wave, a smile, a knowing glance could all be expressions of kindness and forms of love.

 Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc. 

Embracing Vulnerability

It is difficult to stay positive in the face of adversity. One of the main reasons is because adversity can trigger a vulnerable emotion. Many times we don’t recognize when we are feeling vulnerable because we have mastered coping through detachment. But there are those days that too many triggers happen back to back, which can lead to vulnerable emotions such as sadness, anger, and despair. Typically these types of emotions come with negative thoughts such as I am not good enough, this is never going to end and I should have done it differently. 

How do you know when you are vulnerable? One thing that I can tell you is that you will most likely notice changes in your body first. It can show up in a variety of ways such as sudden stomach cramps, tension in your neck and shoulders, sweating, or your eyes well up with tears. You may think that this has come upon you out of nowhere; however, if you think about those times, I am certain that you got bombarded with triggers that led to a vulnerable state. And our body never forgets those times when you have felt the same discomfort in the past, which only compounds what you feel in the present. 

Learning how to recognize when you are vulnerable is important because it helps us figure out how to positively manage our emotions rather than dismiss them. Second, by validating how we are feeling in the moment, we can respond better, decreasing our chances of becoming defensive, aggressive or dismissive in our thoughts and actions towards ourselves and others. Lastly, it helps us to reframe interactions that may have been less painful if we weren't already in a vulnerable state. 

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc. | Mental Health Blog in Parkland and Coral Springs  

Words Have Power

I went to get coffee one morning before work, and the Dunkin Doughnuts lady handed me my coffee and bagel and said, “here you go beautiful.” I left thinking that was so kind of her to compliment me, but I was skeptical. I wanted to see if she was consistent with her compliments. I went back, but this time not dressed for work, I had rolled straight out of bed. “Hi beautiful, have a nice day.” I thought to myself, thank you, I will have a good day. I went back a third time, and she continued to have positive words of affirmation. Her kindness felt more than just good customer service, it felt genuine.

The power of our words is sometimes overlooked in our everyday communication exchanges. We can use our words to build each other up or tear each other down. There were two non-spoken components that I experienced in my interactions with the Dunkin Doughnuts lady. One, she didn’t know my experience or any hardships that I may be facing in that moment. Her words reminded me of my value when it seemed to be lost in life’s responsibilities. Second, she was giving her compliments for free. She wasn’t looking for something in return for her kindness. It is rare that we encounter this unconditional type of communication with no expectation. This was a nice reminder that our motivation to share words of affirmation should not be self-rewarding.

I decided I should go back and tell this Dunkin Doughnuts lady of the impact her compliments had on me. I wanted to thank her for reminding me of the power of words. Unfortunately, I went back a few weeks later and she was no longer there. One way that I can return her kindness is to pay it forward by using my words of affirmation to help others remember their worth and value.

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc. | Mental Health Blog in Coral Springs

Courage, Dear Heart

This February 14 will forever be changed for the communities of Parkland and Coral Springs. Counseling is effective for coping with loss, but it does not lessen the permanent pain of losing loved ones. While the Douglas shooting was very prominent in the media, there are several people that will also be dealing with loss for the first time this Valentine’s Day. During this holiday of love, I can’t help but think about losses that I have experienced, and how the loved ones in my family have been adversely impacted.

Life is precious and unpredictable. We make decisions to take care of our mental and physical health; however, somethings cannot be anticipated. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to continue living life without your loved ones. Courage to continue being around family, friends and celebrating events while you know that part of you is still grieving.

For me, courage gives the ability to have faith that it will hurt less over time.  It is also equally as important to be able to talk about the pain of loss and allow yourself to grieve. There is no time limit to grief, and we shouldn’t enforce one, but we should allow the process to unfold as it should. This Valentine’s Day let’s cherish our loved ones that are still present and honor the memory of those whom we have lost.

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc. | Mental Health Blog in Coral Springs

A Daughter’s Perspective: Alzheimer’s Disease

Our parents and grandparents are suffering increased diseases related to cognitive dysfunction and memory issues. Leading the way is Alzheimer’s Disease.  Many will have to watch as their parents forget special memories, forget who they are and watch them developmentally break down before they pass on. Alzheimer’s Disease has no set time limit and often the suffering can be prolonged. This is a harsh way to watch someone die.

Alzheimer's is a progressive disease, where dementia symptoms gradually worsen over a number of years and individuals lose the ability to carry on a conversation and respond to their environment. Alzheimer's is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. https://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp

Research typically highlights the preventative measures one can take to increase their chances of non-development, but there really are no black and white answers to this problem. Someone with Alzheimer’s is cognitively impaired and unable to advocate for themselves. The progression of this disease requires 24/7 care. Loved ones are forced to place their Alzheimer’s family member is housing facilities where they are at the mercy of the owners and staff members.

The family is held hostage by this disease and members are not able to control their loved one’s environmental circumstances. Facility managers may state, “Your loved one with Alzheimer’s is blissfully unaware and not bothered by materialistic circumstances.” Blissful unawareness does not decrease the pain of having to leave their parent, sister, brother, aunt, or uncle behind.

As consumers, we can be diligent about our choices of where to house our loves ones with Alzheimer’s Disease. We can stay involved with visiting them regularly, even if it is brief visits. We can find supportive resources to help us manage our emotional stress. Speaking to someone who can relate to this process can be most helpful when exploring your options.

RACHEL ROWITT, ED.D, LMHC, CAP | GRACE COUNSELING, INC.

When Things Aren’t Working Out

Have you ever questioned if believing in Jesus was working out for you? When problems seem manageable, it is easy to believe “all things work together for the good,” Romans 8:28. Prayer and faith applies easily when the problem is mildly impacting you. Believing in Jesus seems to be an easy decision however this should not be a casual bond.

Sometimes God throws us a curve ball which leads us to question, why this is happening and haven’t I been through enough? Some people lose their loved ones too soon to death and disease, some lose financial stability while others may lose their mental health. Nevertheless, as Christians we are taught that God is with us through our difficult times. If we just have a casual bond with God then this statement is not believable.

We must stand firm in our faith in order to see silver linings. This means practicing believing, Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen”.  When our emotional state attempts to make us believe that God doesn’t care, that’s the time that we need to be more intentional with our decision to continue trusting Him.    

Rachel Rowitt, Ed.D., LMHC, CAP

Grace Counseling, Inc.