It seems that in marriage the co-parenting concept gets overlooked. One parent may differ from the other parent in parenting styles. We parent, for the most part, based upon what was modeled to us or what we want to do differently from the parenting we previously experienced. We all know which parent is the easy mark verses the disciplinarian.
Children pick up on this difference and will use it to their benefit to get what they want. However, this will ultimately hurt them in the long run. The clashing parenting styles will create an unstable environment at home. Types of behaviors children will display in households with unbalanced parenting may include, lying, anxiety, isolation and mood disturbance.
Different parenting roles will still exist, but both parents presenting as a united front is part of the foundation for healthy co-parenting. While the intention is to be viewed as one, it is important that both parents are able to exercise their authoritative skills. In order to do this, both parents need to have healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. Additionally, it is important for healthy boundaries to be in place so that a child is not seen as being on the same level as their parents, able to make decisions as if they are equal with their parents.
Following these simple guidelines will produce a consistent message to the children that they are cared for and will inevitably promote a safe supportive family environment in married or divorced families.
Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.
