Self Talk

What do you say to yourself when no one is around? Thoughts have a powerful and influential effect on mood. Self talk is one form of thought that will influence your perception of successes and failures in life.

Our self talk is usually formed by indirect or direct messages received from authority figures in our childhood. For example, a parent who never allowed you to feel accomplished is indirectly telling you that you are not good enough. As a result, you may carry around the ‘I will be worthwhile if (fill in the blank) __________’ lie. Perpetuating these negative messages helps to confirm that you are presently not “ok” and reinforce isolative patterns.

Despite negative self talk, God has already justified and made you worthy in His sight. This is a concept that is easy to intellectually understand, but truly accepting that you are holy and blameless takes practice. One way to begin eliminating negative self talk is to place you significance in Him instead of outside messages or inside self talk.

It is ok to be alone, but in your alone time recognize that you are not your past and don't get caught up in self defeating lies.


Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Do You Have Someone Who You Can Talk To?

Often we walk around wearing masks, trying to look strong and effective, but all the while we’re detaching from emotional pain. Nobody really knows what you are dealing with on a daily basis, because you hide it so well. From the inside looking out, you are dying for someone to see and really understand you. 

When no one is watching you are able to reflect and validate your own pain while tears offer relief. You embrace the reality you cannot change despite your best efforts. You know that once the crying session has ended, you will fall asleep and your pain-filled moment will come to an end.

And then, there is a silver lining of support. You find that person with whom you feel safe enough to share your pain. You don't have to go into details, because their unspoken empathy speaks volumes. And for a moment you are safe to connect emotionally. 

God puts people in your path to give you support. He knows just what you need and is always on time. Be more observant during the day, sometimes He uses unexpected people in our lives for His purposes. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Death and Hope

Death is final. For some, the anticipation of death is filled with fear and depression. Questions fill our minds about what will it be like for remaining loved ones, what will happen to the children, is there life insurance or a will in place and so on. All valid concerns, but without hope this worry escalates into fear-based anxiety. Our focus can become clouded with despair rather then the confident expectation that we will see our loved ones again. Rather than celebrating the life of our loved one, we can become overwhelmed with sorrow.

For Christians, death is a sad time. However, it is a time filled with hope as well. This hope directs our attention heavenward, where eternal life among our God awaits us. No more emotional or physical pain, no worry or anxiety just everlasting joy. Heaven sounds like a fantastic deal, but many people allow their feelings of loss to divert their attention from the One who has conquered death. The simple choice is whether or not to turn and face the light knowing that all things may not be good, i.e. the loss of a loved one, but all things work together for the good where God’s children are concerned, Rom. 8:28.

God takes His children home when their work on earth is done. It is not our job to discern why or wallow in despair. In times like these, we need to practice radical acceptance, knowing that God's ways are always purposeful. We should let our light shine so that others may not fear the darkness, but navigate their way towards the light.


Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP  

Getting Stuck

We are the best at rationalizing and justifying otherwise questionable behaviors. When it’s something we really want to do, we will always find a way to justify it. Our internal barometer may be telling us “no,” but our feelings say “yes.” And so the internal conflict develops. But what do you do, when doing the wrong thing feels so right?

Our negative behavior patterns become our default ways of coping, i.e. drugs and alcohol, shopping binges, gambling, promiscuity, etc. We find ourselves developing habits that really hurt us in the long run. The problem is that our feelings are temporary, and so are the “fixes” that we so often find ourselves involved with. We will rationalize and justify our actions in order to have some sort of temporary relief.

In order to be free of our negative behavior patterns, we must seek the underlying reasons for why we keep and defend our questionable actions. Feelings are always connected to thoughts. It is these negative thoughts, a.k.a. stinking thinking, that generates our need to self-medicate. Error always leads to bondage, but thankfully, the truth will always set us free. Seeking the truth will help us to put off these unhealthy patterns and replace them with God’s truth.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.