Intentional Faith

Choosing to trust and have faith in God is intentional. This may be one of the hardest skills to practice in the Christian faith. Onlookers will criticize you for continuing to show faith and trust in God despite horrible tragedy in your life. Do not become upset, they don't understand your relationship with God. 

People have been jaded by religious doctrine that tells them as long as you follow God's law nothing bad will happen to you. This message teaches that God is a puppet Master whose actions totally eclipses the concept of free will. Holding on to a distorted concept of a punishing God will prevent you from seeking Him in the storms of life. Instead, you may blame Him and this will separate you from His peace.

When your heart is broken, when you have to watch as loved ones are in pain, when there is nothing in your control to change or prevent storms; you can pray. We must make the choice to actively participate in our faith. This is especially true when things are happening that are clearly beyond our control.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Children of Baby Boomers

It wasn't until my late thirties that I realized my parents aren't going to live forever. Ok, intellectually I knew that one day I would have to live without them, but it wasn't until recently that I felt the emotion behind this thought. Reality takes hold when we watch our parent’s age and fall victim to more diseases then their parents had to face. Times have changed; they used to comment on how baby boomer children are moving back in with their parents unable to make it in the real world. Nobody comments on how the advanced aging process impacts the baby boomer's kids. 

Different types of dementia or physiological disease we assumed only plague people in their late 80's and early 90's are now present in 60's and 70's. People are living longer, so they will also be living longer with certain forms of dementia and other geriatric illnesses. Some of us will watch painfully as we lose our parents 20 years earlier than expected. 

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Getting Rid of Clutter

Recently, I moved and it occurred to me that it is harder to unpack then to pack boxes. Naturally, as a therapist, I make the analogy to unpacking memories, emotions and traumas. It seems that for some it seems easier to stuff and keep things locked up and stashed away as unwanted clutter. In the long run, our boxes overflow and symptoms of depression, anxiety and other associated disorders surface.

As clinicians, we ask our clients to unlock and unburden themselves from the past in order to alleviate symptoms. In my experience, this act of “emptying the box” is sometimes painful and duration is unpredictable. For others, the contents in the box have become part of their identity so they hold on to unwanted distress.

Thankfully with moving, I can throw the unneeded clutter out while I am unpacking. Awareness, acceptance and forgiveness are three concepts that can help to reduce the contents in the proverbial boxes in our minds.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Co-parenting is not just for Divorced Families

It seems that in marriage the co-parenting concept gets overlooked. One parent may differ from the other parent in parenting styles. We parent, for the most part, based upon what was modeled to us or what we want to do differently from the parenting we previously experienced. We all know which parent is the easy mark verses the disciplinarian. 

Children pick up on this difference and will use it to their benefit to get what they want. However, this will ultimately hurt them in the long run. The clashing parenting styles will create an unstable environment at home. Types of behaviors children will display in households with unbalanced parenting may include, lying, anxiety, isolation and mood disturbance. 

Different parenting roles will still exist, but both parents presenting as a united front is part of the foundation for healthy co-parenting. While the intention is to be viewed as one, it is important that both parents are able to exercise their authoritative skills. In order to do this, both parents need to have healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. Additionally, it is important for healthy boundaries to be in place so that a child is not seen as being on the same level as their parents, able to make decisions as if they are equal with their parents.

Following these simple guidelines will produce a consistent message to the children that they are cared for and will inevitably promote a safe supportive family environment in married or divorced families. 

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Social Media and the Perception of Faith

Recently on social media, I have been reading a lot about Christians who are upset about how other Christians are responding to issues that involve sexual abuse and police misconduct. As I read these articles and posted opinions, it occurred to me that there is hypocrisy concerning in their judgment of other Christians.

I am not disputing factual content; I am more concerned with the public judgments of Christians on other Christians. It seems that behavior is being seen as synonymous with faith and both are being judged. Our behavior and faith are not causal, but correlated. Faith should have influence on our behaviors; however, if we were perfect then we wouldn't need a savior.

Romans 3:23 teaches us that we all have our own short comings. It is not up to us to judge someone's heart. Many of us have made mistakes and thankfully God does not use a scale to determine magnitude of our sin. As Christians, we should pray for those who are not behaving in accordance to His Word and encourage repentance.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Radical Acceptance as a Christian

Often we walk around things trying to figure out why or what's the purpose behind events in our lives. To solve the question of “why,” we use our problem solving skills which include rational and logical thinking. However, it is easy to get stuck in “why” when there is no resolution in sight. The truth is when we have faith in God; we really don't need to figure out “why.”

As Christians, we are instructed not to go down the ruminating path of “why.” This is to help prevent us from falling into fear of the unknown and/or into despair concerning issues from the past. Constant questioning can render us stagnant and prevent us from being used to our full potential for God’s glory.

Faith in God for the unknown and unseen, (Hebrews 11:1) is a skill and not a natural event. This type of faith, to me, involves practicing radical acceptance.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Can You See the Silver Lining?

Sometimes the silver lining is so far away you can hardly see it. Other times, you question if there is any silver lining at all. As Christians, we are taught Romans 8:28, all things work together for the good..., but do we truly believe this scripture? Intellectually, we can easily apply this verse to our lives as long as our circumstances are non-stressful. Work, friends, occasional arguments seem benign. What about the circumstances that makes us more vulnerable, such as abandonment, disease and/or death?

It is extremely difficult to believe all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, when God is allowing difficult times in our life. Fear can easily eclipse faith and negative thoughts take hold. We ask ourselves, “Why, what is the point, and how could God let this happen?” Fear-based thoughts can lead to depression and then isolation sets in. Eventually, we disconnect from others and God.

Finding a way to maintain faith in the midst of pain seems to be the answer. Prayer, inspirational music and fellowship are a few ways to stay plugged in to God. He will not prevent bad things from happening on earth, but He can help you move through the experience. While all situations may not be good, God promises to work them out for your ultimate benefit. You can place your faith in His promises; know that God will guide you to that silver lining.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.