Co-parenting is not just for Divorced Families

It seems that in marriage the co-parenting concept gets overlooked. One parent may differ from the other parent in parenting styles. We parent, for the most part, based upon what was modeled to us or what we want to do differently from the parenting we previously experienced. We all know which parent is the easy mark verses the disciplinarian. 

Children pick up on this difference and will use it to their benefit to get what they want. However, this will ultimately hurt them in the long run. The clashing parenting styles will create an unstable environment at home. Types of behaviors children will display in households with unbalanced parenting may include, lying, anxiety, isolation and mood disturbance. 

Different parenting roles will still exist, but both parents presenting as a united front is part of the foundation for healthy co-parenting. While the intention is to be viewed as one, it is important that both parents are able to exercise their authoritative skills. In order to do this, both parents need to have healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. Additionally, it is important for healthy boundaries to be in place so that a child is not seen as being on the same level as their parents, able to make decisions as if they are equal with their parents.

Following these simple guidelines will produce a consistent message to the children that they are cared for and will inevitably promote a safe supportive family environment in married or divorced families. 

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Social Media and the Perception of Faith

Recently on social media, I have been reading a lot about Christians who are upset about how other Christians are responding to issues that involve sexual abuse and police misconduct. As I read these articles and posted opinions, it occurred to me that there is hypocrisy concerning in their judgment of other Christians.

I am not disputing factual content; I am more concerned with the public judgments of Christians on other Christians. It seems that behavior is being seen as synonymous with faith and both are being judged. Our behavior and faith are not causal, but correlated. Faith should have influence on our behaviors; however, if we were perfect then we wouldn't need a savior.

Romans 3:23 teaches us that we all have our own short comings. It is not up to us to judge someone's heart. Many of us have made mistakes and thankfully God does not use a scale to determine magnitude of our sin. As Christians, we should pray for those who are not behaving in accordance to His Word and encourage repentance.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Radical Acceptance as a Christian

Often we walk around things trying to figure out why or what's the purpose behind events in our lives. To solve the question of “why,” we use our problem solving skills which include rational and logical thinking. However, it is easy to get stuck in “why” when there is no resolution in sight. The truth is when we have faith in God; we really don't need to figure out “why.”

As Christians, we are instructed not to go down the ruminating path of “why.” This is to help prevent us from falling into fear of the unknown and/or into despair concerning issues from the past. Constant questioning can render us stagnant and prevent us from being used to our full potential for God’s glory.

Faith in God for the unknown and unseen, (Hebrews 11:1) is a skill and not a natural event. This type of faith, to me, involves practicing radical acceptance.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Can You See the Silver Lining?

Sometimes the silver lining is so far away you can hardly see it. Other times, you question if there is any silver lining at all. As Christians, we are taught Romans 8:28, all things work together for the good..., but do we truly believe this scripture? Intellectually, we can easily apply this verse to our lives as long as our circumstances are non-stressful. Work, friends, occasional arguments seem benign. What about the circumstances that makes us more vulnerable, such as abandonment, disease and/or death?

It is extremely difficult to believe all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, when God is allowing difficult times in our life. Fear can easily eclipse faith and negative thoughts take hold. We ask ourselves, “Why, what is the point, and how could God let this happen?” Fear-based thoughts can lead to depression and then isolation sets in. Eventually, we disconnect from others and God.

Finding a way to maintain faith in the midst of pain seems to be the answer. Prayer, inspirational music and fellowship are a few ways to stay plugged in to God. He will not prevent bad things from happening on earth, but He can help you move through the experience. While all situations may not be good, God promises to work them out for your ultimate benefit. You can place your faith in His promises; know that God will guide you to that silver lining.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Self Talk

What do you say to yourself when no one is around? Thoughts have a powerful and influential effect on mood. Self talk is one form of thought that will influence your perception of successes and failures in life.

Our self talk is usually formed by indirect or direct messages received from authority figures in our childhood. For example, a parent who never allowed you to feel accomplished is indirectly telling you that you are not good enough. As a result, you may carry around the ‘I will be worthwhile if (fill in the blank) __________’ lie. Perpetuating these negative messages helps to confirm that you are presently not “ok” and reinforce isolative patterns.

Despite negative self talk, God has already justified and made you worthy in His sight. This is a concept that is easy to intellectually understand, but truly accepting that you are holy and blameless takes practice. One way to begin eliminating negative self talk is to place you significance in Him instead of outside messages or inside self talk.

It is ok to be alone, but in your alone time recognize that you are not your past and don't get caught up in self defeating lies.


Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Do You Have Someone Who You Can Talk To?

Often we walk around wearing masks, trying to look strong and effective, but all the while we’re detaching from emotional pain. Nobody really knows what you are dealing with on a daily basis, because you hide it so well. From the inside looking out, you are dying for someone to see and really understand you. 

When no one is watching you are able to reflect and validate your own pain while tears offer relief. You embrace the reality you cannot change despite your best efforts. You know that once the crying session has ended, you will fall asleep and your pain-filled moment will come to an end.

And then, there is a silver lining of support. You find that person with whom you feel safe enough to share your pain. You don't have to go into details, because their unspoken empathy speaks volumes. And for a moment you are safe to connect emotionally. 

God puts people in your path to give you support. He knows just what you need and is always on time. Be more observant during the day, sometimes He uses unexpected people in our lives for His purposes. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Death and Hope

Death is final. For some, the anticipation of death is filled with fear and depression. Questions fill our minds about what will it be like for remaining loved ones, what will happen to the children, is there life insurance or a will in place and so on. All valid concerns, but without hope this worry escalates into fear-based anxiety. Our focus can become clouded with despair rather then the confident expectation that we will see our loved ones again. Rather than celebrating the life of our loved one, we can become overwhelmed with sorrow.

For Christians, death is a sad time. However, it is a time filled with hope as well. This hope directs our attention heavenward, where eternal life among our God awaits us. No more emotional or physical pain, no worry or anxiety just everlasting joy. Heaven sounds like a fantastic deal, but many people allow their feelings of loss to divert their attention from the One who has conquered death. The simple choice is whether or not to turn and face the light knowing that all things may not be good, i.e. the loss of a loved one, but all things work together for the good where God’s children are concerned, Rom. 8:28.

God takes His children home when their work on earth is done. It is not our job to discern why or wallow in despair. In times like these, we need to practice radical acceptance, knowing that God's ways are always purposeful. We should let our light shine so that others may not fear the darkness, but navigate their way towards the light.


Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP