Self Talk

What do you say to yourself when no one is around? Thoughts have a powerful and influential effect on mood. Self talk is one form of thought that will influence your perception of successes and failures in life.

Our self talk is usually formed by indirect or direct messages received from authority figures in our childhood. For example, a parent who never allowed you to feel accomplished is indirectly telling you that you are not good enough. As a result, you may carry around the ‘I will be worthwhile if (fill in the blank) __________’ lie. Perpetuating these negative messages helps to confirm that you are presently not “ok” and reinforce isolative patterns.

Despite negative self talk, God has already justified and made you worthy in His sight. This is a concept that is easy to intellectually understand, but truly accepting that you are holy and blameless takes practice. One way to begin eliminating negative self talk is to place you significance in Him instead of outside messages or inside self talk.

It is ok to be alone, but in your alone time recognize that you are not your past and don't get caught up in self defeating lies.


Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Do You Have Someone Who You Can Talk To?

Often we walk around wearing masks, trying to look strong and effective, but all the while we’re detaching from emotional pain. Nobody really knows what you are dealing with on a daily basis, because you hide it so well. From the inside looking out, you are dying for someone to see and really understand you. 

When no one is watching you are able to reflect and validate your own pain while tears offer relief. You embrace the reality you cannot change despite your best efforts. You know that once the crying session has ended, you will fall asleep and your pain-filled moment will come to an end.

And then, there is a silver lining of support. You find that person with whom you feel safe enough to share your pain. You don't have to go into details, because their unspoken empathy speaks volumes. And for a moment you are safe to connect emotionally. 

God puts people in your path to give you support. He knows just what you need and is always on time. Be more observant during the day, sometimes He uses unexpected people in our lives for His purposes. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Death and Hope

Death is final. For some, the anticipation of death is filled with fear and depression. Questions fill our minds about what will it be like for remaining loved ones, what will happen to the children, is there life insurance or a will in place and so on. All valid concerns, but without hope this worry escalates into fear-based anxiety. Our focus can become clouded with despair rather then the confident expectation that we will see our loved ones again. Rather than celebrating the life of our loved one, we can become overwhelmed with sorrow.

For Christians, death is a sad time. However, it is a time filled with hope as well. This hope directs our attention heavenward, where eternal life among our God awaits us. No more emotional or physical pain, no worry or anxiety just everlasting joy. Heaven sounds like a fantastic deal, but many people allow their feelings of loss to divert their attention from the One who has conquered death. The simple choice is whether or not to turn and face the light knowing that all things may not be good, i.e. the loss of a loved one, but all things work together for the good where God’s children are concerned, Rom. 8:28.

God takes His children home when their work on earth is done. It is not our job to discern why or wallow in despair. In times like these, we need to practice radical acceptance, knowing that God's ways are always purposeful. We should let our light shine so that others may not fear the darkness, but navigate their way towards the light.


Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP  

Getting Stuck

We are the best at rationalizing and justifying otherwise questionable behaviors. When it’s something we really want to do, we will always find a way to justify it. Our internal barometer may be telling us “no,” but our feelings say “yes.” And so the internal conflict develops. But what do you do, when doing the wrong thing feels so right?

Our negative behavior patterns become our default ways of coping, i.e. drugs and alcohol, shopping binges, gambling, promiscuity, etc. We find ourselves developing habits that really hurt us in the long run. The problem is that our feelings are temporary, and so are the “fixes” that we so often find ourselves involved with. We will rationalize and justify our actions in order to have some sort of temporary relief.

In order to be free of our negative behavior patterns, we must seek the underlying reasons for why we keep and defend our questionable actions. Feelings are always connected to thoughts. It is these negative thoughts, a.k.a. stinking thinking, that generates our need to self-medicate. Error always leads to bondage, but thankfully, the truth will always set us free. Seeking the truth will help us to put off these unhealthy patterns and replace them with God’s truth.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.

When did LOL replace J/K?

We are so busy in our lives that we have abbreviations for communicating. I remember when we had beeper codes. 143 was I love you. 07734 was hello. And then, we graduated to cell phones and could punch a number several times to text. After that, the cell phone and social media codes became more integrated with computer abbreviations. J/K is Just Kidding. And with the ever advancing smart phone, the bank of abbreviations grew. I remember needing to ask my younger family members what codes such as LOL, TTYL and ROFL meant.

Something seems to get lost in translation with these codes. And with time, they begin to seem more like disclaimers. When someone is trying to be funny, but not sure how the message will be interpreted they put LOL after a comment. However, I see LOL almost after every comment or text. Is society as a whole really that insecure about sharing their opinions or are they just being witty? One problem seems to lie in the perception of the receiver which, without a face-to-face, is even more unpredictable to the deliverer.

This concept of perception appears to be the underlying reason why so many are unable to understand the Bible. If God had the Bible written with the codes or disclaimers behind important scriptures, would God’s Word be more palatable or understandable? It seems that society has made disclaimers an acceptable cover for sarcasm and/or poking fun, but this is not God's intention for communication. His scripture is written purposefully with power behind each word. As message deliverers, we should also examine our motivation for the message prior to including a disclaimer.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.
Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor

Boxing with God

Many of us struggle with wanting to know why bad things happen to good people. And for some, it is just easier to blame God for our negative experiences. When we choose to blame God, we are actually choosing to hold Him accountable for something that we cannot find an explanation for. Is it magical thinking to hold God accountable for things we can't explain?

God's arms are long enough to go a few rounds with us, and He most likely expects us to fight, but He knows our arms are really too short to lay a glove on Him. Boxing with God seems like a futile exercise, but maybe it is the outcome of this dance that makes it rewarding. Perhaps our anger, resentment and blame towards God refocuses us producing hope within us and the fight is what gets us there, Rom. 8:28.

Rachel Rowitt Ed.D., LMHC, CAP | Grace Counseling, Inc.
Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor