Forgiveness and Expectations

Forgiveness and expectations are not related; however some people are unable to forgive without expectation. “I can forgive you if you change your ways.” This statement makes forgiveness dependent on the other individual who we can’t control. Essentially, we are building resentment by setting an expectation on forgiveness.

How are we supposed to forgive? Forgiveness is primarily for you, not the individual who has angered you. It does not mean that your feelings are invalid; it means that you can free yourself from resentment and further damage from unresolved anger. The Bible tells us not to sin in our anger, but says nothing about anger being a sin. Anger becomes sinful when we fail to forgive our trespassers.

We must see setting an expectation as separate from forgiving. Setting the expectation is redrawing boundary lines to protect ourselves from repeated offense. It is something we must do apart from the other individual. Expecting them to change before we can forgive is like drowning in the sea while surrounded by lifeboats. Forgiveness is our lifeboat, get on and then decide whether or not you want to stay or sail away.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.

Getting Rid of Clutter

Recently, I moved and it occurred to me that it is harder to unpack then to pack boxes. Naturally, as a therapist, I make the analogy to unpacking memories, emotions and traumas. It seems that for some it seems easier to stuff and keep things locked up and stashed away as unwanted clutter. In the long run, our boxes overflow and symptoms of depression, anxiety and other associated disorders surface.

As clinicians, we ask our clients to unlock and unburden themselves from the past in order to alleviate symptoms. In my experience, this act of “emptying the box” is sometimes painful and duration is unpredictable. For others, the contents in the box have become part of their identity so they hold on to unwanted distress.

Thankfully with moving, I can throw the unneeded clutter out while I am unpacking. Awareness, acceptance and forgiveness are three concepts that can help to reduce the contents in the proverbial boxes in our minds.

Rachel Rowitt | Grace Counseling, Inc.